They Try To Make Me Go To Rehab...

Tiger Woods has apparently checked himself into a sexual rehabilitation clinic.

And so the Public Relations makeover for Eldrick has begun.

As someone who wants to enter the fields of PR, advertising, and marketing, I have to say I’m impressed. Checking into rehab is the penicillin for celebrity reputations that have come down with infections of indiscretion.

Robert Downey Jr. gets arrested for being strung out on more drugs than Jim Morrison at rubber ducky time. (Come on, it’s been a loooong time since he died in that bath tub. It is NOT too soon).

Rehab.

Now he gets to be Iron Man and have his own action figure.

Mel Gibson got all DUI’d up and had some interesting commentary about the Jewish community.

Rehab.

Now he can get back to playing dudes who want some good old bloody revenge.

In the late 90’sCharlie Sheen drank more than the entire Osborne family.

Rehab.

Now he’s the loveable gigolo on a CBS laugh track sitcom. Even a recent string of domestic abuse arrests can’t beat his Rehab Out of Jail Free Card.

But Tiger’s death-defying, Houdini-like PR stunt takes the idea of public persona rehab to a brave new level. I mean just imagine how many male celebs are kicking themselves right now. You can practically hear Bill Clinton, Kobe Bryant, and Leanne Rimes all shouting in unison, “Why didn’t I think of that?!”

In fact, I believe Tiger’s move will inspire a host of new celebrity cop-outs:

Mayor Ray Nagin will go to meteorology rehab and everyone will be cool with his failure to evacuate New Orleans before Katrina

O.J. Simpson will go to a murderer’s and kidnapper’s rehab clinic just outside of Phoenix and will quickly be given a sideline reporter’s gig on ESPN.

Ben Affleck will go to inhumanly bad acting rehab (what’s with those mannequinesque stupid grins?) and once again be given $20 million per movie.

Patriots head coach Bill Belichek will attend stupid butthole jerkface rehab and be awarded a guest spot on Sesame Street (where he will then be immediately kicked off set for punching Cookie Monster in the face. What else would you expect from Satan’s brother?)

Ah well, at least Keith Richards is still holding strong…