Random Thoughts

Is there anything more filled with hope than a late night trip to a non Wal-Mart grocery store? Regardless of when you go, it seems to turn back the clock several hours and make the night feel young. Heading to Kroger’s at 12:30a.m. is like having cosmetic surgery done on the clock.

Then you eat that frozen box of Hormel’s chili fries, fall asleep, and wake up feeling like Jabba the Hutt just took a big chubby dump in your stomach.

As a substitute teacher, what’s the best way to respond when an eight year old says, “You look like you don’t want to be here.”

Does Dick Cheney have a secret hunting license for humans? And if so, how can I get one?

I knew Owen Wilson’s hair was a cry for help.

Does O.J. Simpson ever think, “I wonder if Whitney Houston would take me to dinner?”

The sign says no U-turn but mentions nothing of lowercase n-turns.

If I watch a video of Rosie O’Donnell, will she climb out of my television and give me horrifyingly severe sour-pop face? The answer is yes.

Dumbledore and Gandolph were recently spotted canoodling in an upscale coffee shop in Manhattan.

I told a mime to pretend he was suffocating and he died. I pretended to care.

When I see hits on my blog, I get happier than a catholic priest at Chuck E. Cheese.

If you get Mitt Romney wet, Mormon wives pop out of his back.