Revenge of the Horse
I’m tired of being gouged by bloodthirsty insurance providers. If it’s not my health insurance biting a chunk out of my wallet, it’s the auto parasites over at State Farm. For instance, I have to pay the Farm Bureau $25 a year for the privilege of purchasing health insurance through them (to the tune of $140 a month, with riders on the only medications I take regularly. And no, it’s not methadone).
What in the holy hell do I need a membership to the FARM Bureau for? And then it hit me. Maybe the membership could get me a discount on horse feed.
Eureka.
I can buy a horse. This would negate the need for a car and for auto insurance! (I don’t think the law requires Mr. Ed insurance. Perhaps I’ll call Lindsay Lohan and find out. I’m fairly certain she’s not allowed to drive motorized vehicles anymore.)
As an added bonus, I can use my horse, who I’ve tentatively named Sarah Jessica Parker, to take revenge on all those Devil worshippers who park too closely in shopping mall parking lots. Finally, those who believe their luxury SUV also comes with a pass to park over the lines will have their comeuppance.
Imagine their horror when they return to their Escalade or Navigator and find that big Sarah has taken a mighty, massive, meaty Equus shit all over their car. Picture their rage as I calmly explain that, if only they hadn’t parked so closely, their car would be free of horse excrement.
And I’ll be free of these sycophantic insurance “providers.”
What in the holy hell do I need a membership to the FARM Bureau for? And then it hit me. Maybe the membership could get me a discount on horse feed.
Eureka.
I can buy a horse. This would negate the need for a car and for auto insurance! (I don’t think the law requires Mr. Ed insurance. Perhaps I’ll call Lindsay Lohan and find out. I’m fairly certain she’s not allowed to drive motorized vehicles anymore.)
As an added bonus, I can use my horse, who I’ve tentatively named Sarah Jessica Parker, to take revenge on all those Devil worshippers who park too closely in shopping mall parking lots. Finally, those who believe their luxury SUV also comes with a pass to park over the lines will have their comeuppance.
Imagine their horror when they return to their Escalade or Navigator and find that big Sarah has taken a mighty, massive, meaty Equus shit all over their car. Picture their rage as I calmly explain that, if only they hadn’t parked so closely, their car would be free of horse excrement.
And I’ll be free of these sycophantic insurance “providers.”
Get em' Sarah!
posted by the Brad at
6:43 PM
3 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
A few comments from your bastard brother.
1. You're distinction between State Farm as auto and Farm Bureau as medical providers is ... ummm...unclear. Ahem.
2. You stole my stoory!
3. I'm addressing my frustrations with this post in the form of an ordered list. This makes me a pretentious asshole loser guy.
4. I'm listening to Cruel Summer by Ace of Base, in case you're curious.
5. In reference to "you stole my stoory!", that was a reference to Secret Window, but it was meant to bring attention that it was my jest about horses, feed, and shittin that led to this post. A little credit would be nice is alls i'm sayins.
6. I wanted to quit on an even number, so there.
7. Okay, so I tried to use HTML to make this list, but blogspot is lame, so I just wanted to point out that I had to type in the dadgum numbers. Bullcrap!
8. Oh yeah, I nearly spat up a mouthful of toothbrushing-saliva when I saw that horse picture and it's caption.
"mighty, massive, meaty Equus shit.."OMG, that's so poetic.
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